Dialosophy

Diavotionals

My insecurities. My truth. My story. 

SHRINK.

1/6/2020

 
I’m hearing voices in my head, think I’m schizophrenic. Isn’t that what Jeezy said? Except these voices tell me to shrink. In recliner seats where my hips don’t fit, but my waist lays back perfectly...fine. Shrink. In the back of couches to stay for some time...to wine and dine...to accept fire and desire with no strings of attachment...or love. Shrink.

I feel at home in the comfort of the walls I call sacred, face mask on, popcorn buttered, and a drink to put me to sleep. To put my mind at ease. To escape a world that tells me...to shrink. In the gym that I go to every day to “work on me”. Where men wink at me, call me “baby”, and I ignore them with the strongest face I know...because if they saw my big heart, it’d have to...shrink. To neglect its own love that won’t be returned. To stop...bleeding.

Sometimes I’m massive. I feel inflated when laughter escapes my lungs. When eyes gaze into my soul until I’m forced to look at me...and really look at my crooked smile, the way my eye twitches when I eat, my obsessive possession, my addictive want...to be needed. I wouldn’t have to shrink if the world was...just a little deeper. If people didn’t want meaningless pieces of me. If it didn’t seem I was everything...to everybody. Shrink.

Box me in....and then cringe when I don’t fit. In your perfect picture. As a lady. As yours. As wild. As holy. You thought I was yours...to shrink. But you didn’t have enough paint to fill the canvas. The edges still white...because you realized you couldn’t finish coloring me. The ends a mix of pointed and smooth...yet the picture incomplete.

I want to give...what everyone wants...every version....every draft....every copy. Maybe for a pat on the back...maybe for a few more likes on IG....maybe for my dream wedding ring.




​I tried to box me in....but I cannot shrink.

0 Comments



Leave a Reply.

    Archives

    February 2021
    January 2021
    December 2020
    October 2020
    August 2020
    June 2020
    May 2020
    April 2020
    February 2020
    January 2020
    October 2019
    August 2019
    July 2019
    June 2019
    May 2019
    January 2019
    December 2018
    October 2018
    September 2018
    August 2018
    April 2018
    March 2018
    December 2017
    November 2017
    October 2017
    September 2017
    August 2017
    July 2017
    February 2017
    November 2016
    August 2016
    July 2016
    June 2016
    May 2016
    April 2016
    March 2016

    RSS Feed

Proudly powered by Weebly
  • Home
  • About Dialosophy
  • Meet Adia
  • Objectives
  • Diavotionals
  • Lifestyle
    • HEALTH & WELL-BEING
    • CAREER
    • FEMINISM FOR EVERYBODY
  • INVEST IN BLACK LIVES
  • Resources & Printables
  • PRIVACY
  • Ask Dia
  • Home
  • About Dialosophy
  • Meet Adia
  • Objectives
  • Diavotionals
  • Lifestyle
    • HEALTH & WELL-BEING
    • CAREER
    • FEMINISM FOR EVERYBODY
  • INVEST IN BLACK LIVES
  • Resources & Printables
  • PRIVACY
  • Ask Dia