Self-Medicate.

1 oz shots of vodka make me numb
to desires unfulfilled
and a house
that's not a home

self-medicate to escape
self-medicate to meditate
self-medicate to ease
self-medicate to sleep

8 oz. glasses of wine make me tingle 
when I want my toes curled
but no lips
to press against mine

going against the grain of time
the box of safety 
the lust that takes me
the voices that shame me

I self-medicate.

self-medicate to escape
self-medicate to meditate
self-medicate to ease
self-medicate to sleep

1 hr. sessions of therapy with tears on a love seat
picking up pieces I thought I plastered together
digging skeletons I thought I buried
but they weren't dead

I guess I should've did a better job
killin' those muthafuckas

so, I self-medicate.

dates when I know he won't call back
so it's good
he won't see me,
my possessive and my ugly

He won't have to love me.

He'll self-medicate.

self-medicate to mend the heart I broke
self-medicate to ease the wrath I bring
self-medicate to understand how we ended here
self-medicate to miss me

pens to paper make me free
writing away my sins
giving up my secrets
to float away

because they never belonged to me.

So, I self-medicate.