My insecurities. My truth. My story.
#1: I walked into the doctor’s office one day. I thought something was wrong with me. Fearing the worst, the most I wanted from this white man was to console me. But, instead, I got condescending. I got, “You don’t know what you’re doing.” Feeling like he had to fix me, he played superman…because I’m nothing..but a woman.
#2: Can I really call my self a feminist if I love to look in the mirror and call myself a “bad bitch“? Can I really say “the future is female” when I’m just trying to snag the next man down to cop me some good retail? Don’t get me wrong…I love me some women. I grew up with some women. I’d do anything to protect my women. But, I still call the women around me some “bad bitches”…and I mean it with every ounce of love in me. But, somehow I’m less than a feminist if I call out my women. I’m less than a woman if I'm down to be “his bitch” and his woman. I’m less than a queen if I get in the kitchen to cook like it’s the 1960’s. Perhaps, if I’m a feminist…I have to put away these things…because PATRIARisKEY.
#3: You mean to tell me I can’t call my girls some bad bitches when we go out? Instead, I can only listen to it when I go out on the street? I know you heard him say he slept with a bad bitch, his homeboy played a bad bitch…but if I refer to a man as a sad, little, bitch…I’m a savage? I guess PATRIARisKEY. Because it amazes me that I could wear the pants ten times better, but yet they still don’t look good enough because I’m a woman. I could sound smarter than the boss’s son, but it won’t ever matter…because I’m someone’s daughter. Yeah, PATRIARisKEY. And that’s exactly why I have to be “okay” with being a man’s “bad and bougee”, because what matters…is being pretty? PATRIARisKEY.
#4. #MeToo. Have we really gotten so far in society? That a man has a right to take any woman’s body privately and share “The Good News” public? How could another woman ever say “Look at what she was wearing. She was asking for it.”? We ignore the same people we call our sisters, because “She was fast anyway”…dismissing the dismantlement of her world after one traumatic incident. We side with men when we choose to keep a stockroom full of untested rape kits. Because his daddy had money, so let’s sweep her under the rug…her tears didn’t happen. Turns out, her mother didn’t believe her either. No other women believed the tears in her eyes from her misery. All we choose to believe…PATRIARisKEY.
#5. Look at this healthcare system. People wonder why our black women are losing so many babies on a daily. It took me a while…but here’s reality. The hospital ain’t different from society. At the top is nothing but white faces that’s not looking out for the faces that look like you and me. PATRIARisKEY. So, don’t preach to me..because I went into public health FOR equality. But, at the end of the day, there is no public health for the public with no money. There is no livelihood for my sisters from the hood. There is no glasses for my brothers to see that we’ll never live in a world with “gun control” because those same white faces want us to kill EACH OTHER, senselessly. PATRIARisKEY. They don’t really care about us. Just ask Tuskegee.
#6. It felt so weird for me for the first time when a guy pulled me beside him, so he could walk on the outside of the street. The world calls him a gentleman for that and deems that chivalry. And don’t get me wrong, I thought my man was sweet…but in the back of my head, I kept thinking, “I can take care of me”. In a way, I kinda think chivalry is nothing but a rouse to get me. The playbook shows if you open a few doors for me, drop a couple bands on me, and get me to smile in my seat…that I’m supposed to end aimlessly in your bedsheets. And that, my friend only means…PATRIARisKEY.
#7: I’m not here to condone matriarchy in this hierarchy of men. I’m just trying to figure out what do I call myself if I’m stuck between “feminism" and still believing “men should be men”? Am I a feminist? Am I striving for this world to be equal? Or am I just a hypocritical womanist that thinks “bitch” is now colloquial? I don’t know. Perhaps, these answers are my keys to the streets. Perhaps, I need clarity for the nights I post pics that are “objectifying”. But, I love women…I adore women…I’m everyone woman…and it’s all in me. I believe every woman should be free. Perhaps, the question is not “Am I enough female?” to society? Perhaps, the question that resides is…Am I enough ME?
To ask that…means to defy..patriarchy. PATRIARisnotKEY.