FINDING COMFORT…IN THE UNCOMFORTABLE

“I done had a really long winter. A beautiful summer is calling” – 6lack

I’ve been sitting on this post for a while now, but before the new year starts…I figured better now than never. So, here goes. There’s no other way to jump into this post other than head first. If you’ve been keeping up with me this year, you know that 2018 granted me love, a tragic break-up, an adventure abroad, and ultimately….happiness. Throughout each of these…there were new seasons. A season of loneliness, ugliness, and despair….and then before I knew it- a season of joy, healing, and self-love. Through them all, I think the major key I received is that one must understand the importance of remaining STILL. One must not simply…run. And I know, because I’ve been good at it-running from my problems. Running from the very people that scare me. Running…from the very love…that just simply..wanted to love me. One must…stay still…and feel. Feel everything.

How do you stay still in chaos? How…do you be comfortable in the uncomfortable?

1. Know that you have nothing to lose and EVERYTHING to gain. You will more than likely find…that you have nothing to lose, other than time. And in that case, that’s beyond our control. So enjoy the discomfort…listen to every uncomfortable feeling and ask yourself WHY you feel that way. Lean in to every uncomfortable position and ask yourself WHY you won’t take up space. Pay attention to every bad habit and ask yourself…what are you running from? Reflection. That is the key, and I’d be lying if I didn’t say it’s difficult or that it’s ugly. Because it is. And in answering some of these questions, you might even find..shame. But on the other end of shame…you’ll find your pride. And you’ll mend it again…and keep mending…and keep mending…until maybe it’s not “uncomfortable” anymore…and that wound? Let’s just say you'll no longer need a band-aid.
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3. Know that the past cannot hurt you, and you cannot control the future. This is key…in everything- accomplishing a goal, getting over a breakup, or simply put…just growing. The past cannot hurt you…and you cannot control the future. We all have made mistakes. We all are human beings. With the aforementioned in mind, it’s important to just…keep swimming. I’ve had a number of close friends come to me recently, opening up about how tough life is, how…depressed they are because they don’t have it all together…and it’s important that we are in a space to not only talk about this and encourage each other to take care of our mental health…BUT conversations must take place so that we agree on one thing-none of us know what we’re doing. In fact, I’ll be the first one to tell you…that my second half of 2018 was nothing BUT me making a plan, going out on a whim, praying, and just letting…everything be. Whatever came…came. And whatever didn’t? Well, it wasn’t for me. And this is from me- someone who was rejected from every single job/internship I applied for this year, I lost part of my scholarship, and facing loss after loss even though it “looked” like I was winning. And my past? Well, that too, all caught up to me. But, it didn’t defeat me in 2018. None of it…ever will.
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5. Know that no matter what happens…you are amazing. I think the biggest challenge for me this year was facing my own…issues. With a few sessions of counseling, I uprooted what’s even more worse that “daddy issues”- daddy AND mommy issues. With the combination of both, I, too, discovered my own fear of abandonment and attachment style. Learning these and facing them…was both ugly…yet beautiful. I learned a lot about how I operated, WHY I operated, and why I made some of my past decisions. NONE of this process, and I mean NONE of it…was comfortable. AT ALL. It still isn’t. But, I find my way through…by thinking of the good things about me. That no matter what I do…no matter what I have to learn…I am here RIGHT NOW, and I am great.

You are, too. 

Have you heard "Seasons" by 6lack? Check out the video here.