My insecurities. My truth. My story.
I was doing my usual-sitting in bed, watching Penelope and Morgan on “Criminal Minds” and it happened... I saw something dash across the room. My eyes are known to play tricks on me, but could it be? Was this the moment I had truly gone crazy? With the paranoia settling in from watching countless serial killers at the BAU, I scan my room. Then I saw it…but I got up trying to confirm the rarity before my eyes. A ladybug.
Now, I know ladybugs aren’t rare at all. In fact, I think I’d grown so accustomed to seeing them inside my grandmother’s church where she grew up. But, this occasion was different. 1) I live in Atlanta and I never EVER noticed a ladybug….since moving to Atlanta…ever. Or perhaps the more appropriate thing to say is…I’ve never been looking. 2) I never, not once, have had a ladybug in my own place or residence (or any pest for that matter). I don’t like bugs…So of course, I killed the thing. But, then it got me thinking. Why…now?
So, I did what I normally do…I took it to Google. I’ve been vaguely interested in "spirit animals" in the past. I was happy to read the ladybug spiritual totem meant amazing things.
IF LADYBUG HAS FLOWN INTO YOUR LIFE:The appearance of a Ladybug heralds a time of luck in which our wishes begin to be fulfilled. Higher goals and new heights are now possible. Worries begin to dissipate. New happiness comes about. This insect also cautions not to try to hard or go to fast to fulfill our dreams. Let things flow at their natural pace. In the due course of time, our wishes will all come true. Alternatively, she could be signaling that you can leave your worries behind and that new happiness is on its way. This species of beetle signals you to to not be scared to live your own truth. Protect your truth and know that it is yours to honor.
(Spiritual Animal Totems 2018)
I needed this, because after a tumultuous first year (emotionally) of graduate school, I felt like I was taking hit after hit…loss after loss. But, lately….life has been great. And life wouldn’t be life without the down’s right along with the up’s. But, my perspective of those “downs” has still brought me immense joy. And there has been a new happiness….I’ve chosen that happiness. I’ve chosen..not to be liked…but to focus on me, my own growth, and my own healing. I’ve chosen my career and my dreams…and I am ready to sacrifice anything…and even if that means everything. I’ve chosen…me. In addition, I am still learning to leave my worries behind me- worries about my past, worries about my future, and worries about doing “everything”.
Thank you, ladybug. You may not have lasted long with me. But, I’d like to think you had a purpose with me- showing me my blessings. And I intend to relish in them all, enjoying my life to it’s max capacity…and living my life in my own beauty.
Define your life today. Define your happiness. Find the things that bring you the utmost joy and satisfaction, and hold onto them. And then….live freely.