My insecurities. My truth. My story.
To enlighten someone along this journey, I've decided to share my personal burdens at this present moment in hopes that someone is inspired to keep pushing.
1) PEOPLE'S VALIDATION! This has to be my worst one, because I'll put on this facade just to make myself seem more than I appear, putting me in this life filled with lies. I can't count how many times I've lost something or someone just because it didn't meet OTHER people's expectations. I can't point out how much I've tried to be in the limelight just to be...IMPORTANT. But, through my storms, I'm learning I don't have to be anything or anyone but ME. I don't have to create these elaborate stories just to make my life seem more "glamorous". I don't have to put down others just to play UP myself. Over this past year, it's been a roller coaster yet a humbling experience in realizing that my life is valuable. I am worthy by just being ME and so are you. My happiness should not and will no longer be dependent on what people think of what I'm doing, who I choose to fall in love with, or what I choose to do everyday. My happiness is MY happiness.
2) Being Perfect! I constantly struggle with my mistakes, even the most simple mistakes. Inside of my mind, I get so caught up with being this "perfect woman"...better yet, striving to be this "Proverbs 31 woman" and yes, while it may be attainable one day. I can't be hard on myself now when I make mistakes everyday. I have to accept that I'm going to mess up. I'm going to lie without thinking about it. I'll sit in the gossip. I'm going to hurt someone's feelings unconsciously. I'll take that occasional drink and I'll make crude jokes that I don't mean but I say them just to laugh. I do some wrongs each and everyday but I also have a LOT of RIGHTS that make me ME...flaws and all. But that does not change my heart and all the love for others in it. I'm selfish. I'm impulsive and that's fine...but that's me. I can't continue to beat myself up when I make a mistake each day. It's time to accept each mistake and love them at the same time. Because isn't it our mistakes that MAKE us? How can we stay standing if we don't continuously fall? Take one day at a time on this journey towards progress but it's time to embrace being perfectly imperfect.
3) WALLS WALLS WALLS. Everyone has gone through a absolute HORRID breakup. I spent 3 years going through one...and while it was absolutely...definitely TERRIBLE. It has allowed me to clearly and confidently finally see myself as a Queen. And while I've gained the self-esteem I should have had a long time ago, I've also gained the biggest burden...and that's the now black walls built around my heart. And just when what seemed like the perfect match entered....I opted out because I don't know how to FULLY tear the walls down. Maybe I'll learn and maybe it's going to take a while. But I do know...what's meant to be will always be. And who's meant to be your soulmate...will always come back. Walls are meant to come down. It just takes the right person, the right experience, and the right struggles to knock them down. Most importantly...it takes courage to put the effort in to knock them down.
Peace, love, & blessings!